Dating Austin: Part II

20 Oct Dating Austin: Part II

“Holy shit, is that bird shit?”

Admittedly, this is not the most lady-like thing that’s ever come out of my mouth on a first date but you don’t understand: A BIRD JUST SHIT ON THIS DUDE’S FACE.

‘This dude’? Okay, okay…so I begrudgingly decided to go on another date – the first one was so catastrophic* (dramatization) that I determined it must be some sick form of ‘rite of passage’ that newly single girls MUST go through.  Rationalizing, “Not all guys in Austin can be that bad…can they?”  Actually, they can, and apparently they must all be bad directly to me.

We met through a mutual friend while out with a group on West 6th St. so I figured ‘J’ would have to be half way decent if my friend bothered to set me up with him. We exchanged numbers before I left to go home and agreed to meet that following Sunday. Thanks, Dad, for the pro-dating tip: just get ONE drink on a first date.

Turns out a lot can happen in the time it takes to drink one coffee.

Sitting on the patio outside at Cosmic Coffee chatting about how we probably weren’t going to get shit on by the bird hopping branch to branch above us, laughing and seemingly carefree. Then it hit him. Big, steamy, unambiguously gray diarrhea-like shits. Right in the face.

Let’s clear something up real quick: Poop is funny.

And if you don’t think so, then you’re probably more manure than me. Sorry, *mature. But to each their own. Poop is funny. So that’s why I laughed harder than I should have, but J was laughing too. He went to go wash up and came back full of bird poop related humor and quips.

That was attractive; a guy who didn’t take himself too seriously. A guy who could roll a wicked embarrassing moment off his back. Because, as it turns out the phrase, “Shit happens” can be literal. Inspired by his reaction, I asked him out on a second date. After all we were having fun talking and had a decent amount in common.

The night before our second date I reached out:

Wow (this is a sincere ‘Wow’). Now here’s a guy who’s self-aware, doesn’t want to drag me through his ongoing, internal drama. Thank you.

Truly, I get it.

Man, I really dodged a bullet there – a guy who’s willing to communicate that he’s not entirely ready to even go on a second date because he’s knows he’s not where he should be emotionally. *Applause*

Then this bologna happened:

Wait, what?

You want to go to the dog park with me?

The bleeped out part is where he asks to get sandwiches (S/O HIMYM fans).

How did this go from a positive first date experience to I’m not ready for dating, to the very down-graded state of ambivalent friendship at the god forsaken dog park?

Electing not to respond to this, I leave J on read. I can tell some of you guys out there will be confused, “Why wouldn’t Meg respond to a friendly suggestion to hang out as friends, especially when there’s sandwiches involved, and pupperonis?” It’s because I’m not out here looking for new friends.

I’m looking for that irresistible pull you feel when you look into someone’s eyes. That moment of pure insanity when you question if what you’re feeling is real or if you’re still in dream state. You know: what Moths feel about Flames.

That’s what I’m looking for. Not some wishy-washy-I’m-not-sure-how-I-feel-about-you-so-I-want-to-keep-you-on-that-back-burner-until-I-figure-it-out-shit.

So when J hit me with that double text, it was almost too much for me:

Hold up, hold up, HOLD UP.

Why on Earth would he think I am interested in being set up with one of his friends?

But that’s not what really got to me. What got to me was this intrusive thought: Was there really so little connection between us? No spark? Was it a complete failure in his eyes to the extent he felt comfortable passing me off to his friend?

Did I totally misread our vibe? Did I get this wrong? Apparently he is wildly NOT interested in me. OUCH.

To all the people that have ever been rejected: I feel you.

I wouldn’t have considered this a rejection if J hadn’t sent that last text; but it clearly is. I never felt so cheap, or like…weird. Is this a normal thing? It can’t be. @Dudes everywhere – do you pass off your failed dates onto your homies?

Does this guy think he’s doing me a favor offering up a ‘consolation’ prize? To be fair maybe his friend is my ‘type’ and we would live happily ever after, repopulate Idaho and our flannel-clad descendants would manage the moderately successful potato chip empire we built from scratch; doubtful, but possible. Am I missing out on true love because of my own pride? Is my ego that sensitive? I guess so.

I know, I know, I just said this guy wanted to keep me on the back burner then he goes and tries to set me up with his friend. So which is it? It clearly can’t be both. Which is the truth?

The truth is: I don’t have time for this bird shit.

Here are the keys to the kingdom fellas: be honest, forthright, and direct. Hang up the games and be fearless! You should take that statement seriously – it’s the only sentence in this entire blog that uses an exclamation point. That’s how serious I am: exclamation-point-serious.

If you’re not ready to date, that’s okay. But clear, honest communication is not a luxury – it’s table stakes.

Dating Austin: Part III “Did I break a mirror or something” — Coming Soon.